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A louis swan christmas special transcript
This is the transcript for the episode. The episode info is here. *The screen shows a red background with white snowflakes falling and the text "Happy Holidays" in the center. The scene then changes to Chef Pee pee looking at the Christmas tree.* Chef Pee pee: Ah, soon there'll be presents under this tree. *Homer makes a loud whine* Chef Pee pee: Oh my god! What do you want, Homer? Homer: I'm not gonna get anything! Chef Pee pee: You're not gonna get anything? Why, 'cause you've been a little prick? *Homer makes a loud groan* Homer: It's 'cause I never mailed my list to Santa! Chef Pee pee: I can't understand you. Homer: I never mailed my list to Santa!! Chef Pee pee: You never mailed your list to Santa? Homer: How was I supposed to?! Chef Pee pee: Homer it's Christmas eve!! Homer: No, no biggie! Chef Pee pee: Yes it is a biggie. Oh, you're getting nothing. *Scene cuts to Homer and Chef Pee pee walking to a desk.* Chef Pee pee: Homer, come on! Let's go get a pen and paper and write it! Homer: Okay. Chef Pee pee: Come on. *Homer whines* Homer: What happens if he doesn't get it in time?! Chef Pee pee: If he doesn't get it in time, it's your fault!! *Homer cries loudly* Chef Pee pee: You gotta be kidding me. Come on. *The scene changes to Homer at the desk with a piece of paper. Chef Pee pee drops a pen on it* Chef Pee pee: Get writing. I have to go make all that stupid cooking crap, so I'm gonna make some a...whatever 's in the fridge...for the Christmas...eve feast? I don't know, forget it. *Chef Pee pee leaves, and Homer starts writing.* Homer: My handwriting is not that good, but I'll give it my all. Dear...uh oh...uh oh, I think I broke it. Dear Santa,... I wunt...a...Good Days...men-a-yoo...for...Christ...moose. And...I...also wunt...a... *homer stops to think* Homer: Ah! *pen snaps* Homer: Oops. That pen's broken! *Homer throws the pen and gets a new one* Homer: I also wunt...Lip stick for a sloppy joes. *Homer flexes* Homer: That's how I got these bad boys. *Homer jams the pen down hard on the paper repeatedly* Homer: Period! Time to mail it! *Crumble it into a ball* Homer: Chef Pee pee I'm ready to m-mail it! *Scene changes to Chef Pee pee in the kitchen looking in the fridge.* Chef Pee pee: What should I make...hmm...Waffles! Those'll be good, since my family never gets any food! *Chef Pee pee throws the bag onto the counter* Homer: Chef Pee pee! Chef Pee pee: Oh, oh, what? What is it? Homer: My list is done, com see! Chef Pee pee: Okay, I'm coming! *Scene changes back to Homer's desk* Chef Pee pee: Okay Homer, what is it? *Homer falls over, his crumpled ball falling on the floor.* Homer: My list. Chef Pee pee: Homer, you just crinkled up a ball! Homer: It's gonna get to him on time, trust me. Chef Pee pee: Okay , I'll go- How about you go and put it in the mailbox. I'm extremely busy making waffles. Homer: Okay! *Scene changes back to Chef Pee pee in the kitchen.* Chef Pee pee: Oh, boy! Everything in tip top shape! I think I can go to bed now. Nick: Hey! Chef Pee pee: What's up? Nick: What the hell are these?! Chef Pee pee: Dirty dishes...? Nick: Dirty dishes, huh?! *Nick hits one* Why aren't they done? Chef Pee pee: I'll do it right now! Nick: You better do it! And the tuck Homer in. *Chef Pee pee whines as he starts moving a large knife from the sink. Chef Pee pee: This goes here... *Chef Pee pee puts it in the holder* Nick: Hey! *The camera turns to reveal Nick hasn't left yet and is sitting on the fridge top watching Chef Pee pee.* Nick: You're not doing it fast enough. Chef Pee pee: ...Sorry. Nick: Go faster...faster! Chef Pee pee: Uh, faster?! Aaagh! *He cuts himself on the knife on accident, blood flowing on the counter* Nick: Aw, great. Now I gotta clean up. *The scene changes to a shot of the fireplace, which is really just a screen, and moves to the dining table. The table is full of guests and many large plates.* Little Woody: Nyow, Chew wee boy, chew wee boy, chew wee boy, woody, woody, woody. Bowser: Oh, boy! The whole family! Nick: Yeah, Chef Pee pee! Chef Pee pee: What? Nick: What are you doing? Homer: I'm hungry! *Homer bangs on his plate* Nick: I know you're hungry, and so am I. Where are you?! Chef Pee pee: I'm taking a shower! Nick: Hurry up!! *Camera cuts to Bowser and Luigi* Luigi: Wow, big plate! Bowser: What the hell is this?!... I hate you! You always- Luigi: What do you mean?! Bowser: I'm a desperate man. Why do you think I kidnap the princess?! *Bowser switches the plates around* Bowser: My big plate! *The camera switched to R.O.B. and OFficer Chicken Fries.* R.O.B.: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, spreading Christmas joy, ha ha ha- Officer Chicken Fries: Shut up! *R.O.B. turns to him.* R.O.B.: Tell me one more time. Officer Chicken Fries: Shut. Up. *R.O.B. grabs him.* R.O.B.: How do you feel about lung cancer? Officer Chicken Fries:I'm sorry, I'm sorry! R.O.B.: Do you want lung cancer? Officer Chicken Fries: No! *Rob lets him go and turns back to laughing.* R.O.B.: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. *The camera cuts to Little Woody next to R.O.B. Little Woody: Oh...Hey, I don't have a spoon. R.O.B., can I have your spoon? R.O.B.: Sure, let me pass it to you. *He slowly rotates to him, dropping the spoon on the floor. Little Woody lays his face on the plate.* Little Woody: Aaaaahhh! Dang it! *He gets up out of his seat to get the spoon, then puts it on his plate.* R.O.B.: No crying on Christmas. *The camera changes to show Krusty sitting next to Little Woody* Little Woody: I'm bored. Hey, do you know any Christmas carols? Krusty: Yeah, I know one. "Where is the medical Marijuana? Where is the medical Marijuana?? Where is the medical Marijuana???" *Little Woody falls off the chair* Little Woody: Ow! *Homer hits his knife and fork on the plate* Homer: Where's the food?! Kitty: Shut up, gramp. I'm trying to satisfaction my tail! It's so pretty! *He puts his tail in Homer's face, and it jump cuts to him back in his seat.* Homer: Christmas is annoying, Santa didn't get my list! *Homer throws his utensils.* Homer: What's the p- *Jump cut to Little Woody* Little Woody: Santa didn't get your letter? You know what that means? homer: What? Little Woody: It means no presents for you! Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha! *Homer whines loudly* Homer: I'm going to my room! Don't look for me! Blizzard: I won't. *Homer runs away and lights a lighter. He holds it up to the Christmas tree* Blizzard: No desert! Homer: No desert? *Homer turns off the lighter* Homer: Nevermind. *The camera switched to the dinner table, showing empty plates* Homer: Desert! deser- Where's the desert? Blizzard: I lied. Only so you wouldn't set the tree on fire. Also, Santa didn't get your letter. Homer: Santa didn't get my letter? No desert? Blizzard: No desert. Or presents. Category:Episodes Category:Transcripts